During my NLP training, I had a dream that stayed with me long after I woke up. I was a passenger on a bus hurtling down a road at incredible speed.

I could feel the wind rushing past and the vibrations of the engine, but I felt a deep sense of fear. I had no control over where we were going or how fast we were moving. At some point, the bus came to a sudden halt. In that moment of stillness, I had a profound realization. This was my opportunity to step out of the passenger seat and move to the front. I could take the wheel and drive the bus myself at my own pace towards the destination I actually wanted to reach.

In the world of coaching, we call this the shift from Effect to Cause.

Are You a Passenger in Your Own Life?

We all experience periods where it feels like life is just happening to us. Perhaps you feel like your mood is dictated by a difficult colleague or your energy is drained by the demands of your industry. When we are at effect, we are the passengers. We have plenty of reasons why things are not working out, but those reasons usually point outward. We might blame the economy or the way our boss speaks to us.

While those external factors are real, focusing on them leaves us powerless. We cannot change the wind; we can only change the sails.

The Equation of Ownership

Moving to cause is not about taking the blame for everything that goes wrong. It is about recognizing that while you cannot control every event, you are the primary cause of your own responses and your internal state.

As Brené Brown writes in her book Rising Strong, we are the authors of our own stories. She explains that when we deny our stories, they define us. But when we own our stories, we get to write the ending. Moving to cause is the act of picking up the pen. It is about moving from the seat where you are at the effect of the road and into the driver’s seat where you hold the steering wheel.

The Language of the Passenger

You can often hear where you are sitting by listening to your own internal dialogue. It often sounds like a list of justifications. You might find yourself saying things like, “I could not finish that because the team was too slow,” or “I am stressed because the market is so volatile.” In each of these moments, the power lives outside of you.

Robert Dilts, a pioneer in the field of NLP, suggests that our beliefs act as filters for our reality. If you believe you are at the effect of your environment, your brain will consistently look for evidence to prove you are right. You stay on the bus, feeling the fear because you believe someone else is driving.

Taking the Wheel

When you move to cause, the language changes. You start to look at your own role in the situation. Instead of saying, “I am unhappy because of my partner,” you might say, “I am choosing to stay in a state of unhappiness, and I want to explore the belief that is keeping me there.”

This is where the real work of coaching happens. We look at the deep-seated beliefs that make you feel like a passenger. We identify those invisible anchors that are keeping you at effect, and we work to resolve them. It is not about managing a busy schedule but about looking at the architecture of your mind and reclaiming your agency.

Cultivating Your Own Results

In the garden, you cannot force a plant to grow, but you are the cause of the conditions it needs to flourish. You choose the soil and you clear the weeds. If you are tired of being the passenger in a life that someone or something else is driving, it might be time to look at the internal map you are following. Resolving these deep-seated patterns is the most direct path to a life that feels authentic.

The Path to Empowerment

Empowerment is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-reflection and a willingness to change. You have the power to reshape your narrative. When you start to take ownership of your responses, you create a ripple effect in your life. This shift can lead to increased confidence, better relationships, and a more fulfilling career.

Embracing Change

Change can be daunting, but it is also an opportunity for growth. Embrace the discomfort that comes with stepping out of your comfort zone. It is in these moments of uncertainty that we often find our greatest strengths. Remember, every leader has faced challenges. What sets them apart is their ability to navigate through them with resilience.

Seeking Support

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Seeking support from a coach or mentor can provide you with valuable insights and guidance. Together, we can explore your beliefs, identify your goals, and create a roadmap for success.

When you are ready to stop reacting to the speed of the bus and start driving it yourself, I am here to help you find the way. Let’s embark on this transformative journey together.

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By taking the wheel, you unlock your potential. You can create the life you desire, one decision at a time.