During my NLP training I had a dream that stayed with me long after I woke up. I was a passenger on a bus that was hurtling down a road at an incredible speed.

I could feel the wind rushing past and the vibrations of the engine but I felt a deep sense of fear because I had no control over where we were going or how fast we were moving.

At some point the bus came to a sudden halt. In that moment of stillness I had a profound realisation. This was my opportunity to step out of the passenger seat and move to the front. I could take the wheel and drive the bus myself at my own pace towards the destination I actually wanted to reach.

In the world of coaching we call this the shift from Effect to Cause.

Are you a passenger in your own life ?

We have all had those periods where it feels like life is just happening to us. Perhaps you feel like your mood is dictated by a difficult colleague or your energy is drained by the demands of your industry.

When we are at effect we are the passengers. We have plenty of reasons why things are not working out but those reasons usually point outward. We might blame the economy or the way our boss speaks to us.

While those external factors are real focusing on them leaves us powerless because we cannot change the wind. We can only change the sails.

The equation of ownership

Moving to cause is not about taking the blame for everything that goes wrong. It is about recognising that while you cannot control every event you are the primary cause of your own responses and your internal state.

As Brené Brown writes in her book Rising Strong we are the authors of our own stories. She explains that when we deny our stories they define us but when we own our stories we get to write the ending.

Moving to cause is the act of picking up the pen. It is about moving from the seat where you are at the effect of the road and into the driver’s seat where you hold the steering wheel.

The language of the passenger

You can often hear where you are sitting by listening to your own internal dialogue. It often sounds like a list of justifications. You might find yourself saying things like I could not finish that because the team was too slow or I am stressed because the market is so volatile.

In each of these moments the power lives outside of you.

Robert Dilts a pioneer in the field of NLP suggests that our beliefs act as the filters for our reality. If you believe you are at the effect of your environment your brain will consistently look for evidence to prove you are right. You stay on the bus feeling the fear because you believe someone else is driving.

Taking the wheel

When you move to cause the language changes. You start to look at your own role in the situation. Instead of saying I am unhappy because of my partner you might say I am choosing to stay in a state of unhappiness and I want to explore the belief that is keeping me there.

This is where the real work of coaching happens. We look at the deep set beliefs that make you feel like a passenger. We identify those invisible anchors that are keeping you at effect and we work to resolve them. It is not about managing a busy schedule but about looking at the architecture of your mind and reclaiming your agency.

Cultivating your own results

In the garden you cannot force a plant to grow but you are the cause of the conditions it needs to flourish. You choose the soil and you clear the weeds.

If you are tired of being the passenger in a life that someone or something else is driving then it might be time to look at the internal map you are following. Resolving these deep set patterns is the most direct path to a life that feels authentic.

When you are ready to stop reacting to the speed of the bus and start driving it yourself I am here to help you find the way.