For decades we have been told that the secret to a happy life is a perfectly weighted scale. We imagine work on one side and life on the other and we are told that if we just manage our hours better the scale will eventually balance out.

But does that reflect your reality?.Many of us find that even when we are physically at home our minds are still in the office. Even when we are on holiday we might carry the weight of our professional identities like an invisible rucksack.

It raises the question of whether work life balance as we have been taught it is actually a helpful goal or if it is a myth that keeps us running in circles.

The traditional idea of balance focuses on the quantity of time as if our life is a pie that we have to cut into equal slices. But have you noticed that some hours feel heavier than others?

It suggests that perhaps fulfilment is less about the clock and more about the quality and the presence you bring to each moment.

The evolution of a concept

The term work life balance first gained traction in the late seventies and eighties. Back then it was mostly about the physical boundary between the factory or the office and the home. But in a world that is always connected does that boundary still exist?

You might find it interesting to consider the ideas of Stewart Friedman from the Wharton School. He suggests that we should stop looking for balance and start looking for integration. He proposes the idea of four way wins where our work our home our community and our private self all support one another.

When you stop trying to separate your life into rigid boxes what happens to your stress levels? Does it feel more natural to look at your personal culture as a whole rather than a series of competing interests?

The weight of the internal world

Why is it that the pursuit of balance so often leads to burnout? Could it be because we are ignoring the internal state. You can spend ten hours a day with your family but if you are mentally resolving a work conflict the whole time are you actually there.

There are often deep set beliefs that tell us we must always be productive or that our worth is tied to our professional output. These beliefs can act like a constant background hum that prevents us from ever truly switching off.

Stephen Covey famously spoke about the need to sharpen the saw. He noted that many of us are so busy sawing that we do not have time to sharpen the tool. If we apply that to a garden it is like trying to force a harvest without ever letting the soil rest.

How does that resonate with your own rhythm of work and rest?

From quantity to quality

What changes if we shift our focus from quantity to quality. High quality time is often marked by a sense of presence and intentionality.

When you see yourself as the driver of your own energy you can start to notice when you are at the effect of your inbox and when you are choosing where your focus goes.

Coaching often involves looking at these deep seated patterns. It is not about reorganising your calendar but about exploring the beliefs that make you feel guilty when you rest or anxious when you are not in control.

Tending the whole garden

A garden does not flourish because every plant gets the exact same amount of space. It flourishes because each part is given what it needs to thrive at the right time. There are seasons for intense growth and seasons for letting things rest.

What would it look like if you resolved the internal conflicts that tell you that you must be everything to everyone. Would you find a different kind of harmony based on your own values and your own personal culture.

Here are three questions to explore your own presence today.

Where is your mind right now Notice if you are physically in one place but mentally in another. Without judging yourself can you simply wonder what belief or concern is pulling you away. What is that thought trying to achieve for you.

What are your non negotiables Instead of trying to balance everything what three things represent true quality for you. It might be twenty minutes of quiet reflection or a phone free meal. What happens if you treat these as the roots of your day rather than an afterthought.

How do you transition Do you have a ritual that signals the end of your professional day. It could be as simple as changing your clothes or taking a short walk. Does having a clear boundary help you step into your personal life with a clearer mind.

Ready to explore the myth?

If you are tired of chasing a version of balance that never seems to arrive perhaps it is time to look at what is happening beneath the surface. True harmony might come from resolving the internal divisions that keep us from being fully present.

When you are ready to stop cutting the pie and start wondering about the soil I am here to help you explore those deeper roots.

References and Suggested reading

• Wheel of Life is a trademark of the Meyer Resource Group Inc.

• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success - Author Carol Dweck

• Doran, G.T. (1981) There's a SMART Way to Write Management's Goals and Objectives. Journal of Management Review, 70, 35-36.