If like me you grew up in the eighties or nineties you likely remember the specific weight of a school report card or the dreaded 'parent's day'.

Back then the praise was usually reserved for the results. We were celebrated when we got the top marks or when we sailed through an exam without breaking a sweat.

The message many of us internalised was simple. If you are smart things should come easily to you. If you have to struggle it must mean you lack the talent.

This is the foundation of what Carol Dweck calls a fixed mindset. It is a belief system where our intelligence and abilities are static traits that we are simply born with. In my work as a coach I often see how this childhood conditioning creates a glass ceiling for adults.

We become afraid of challenges because if we fail it feels like a personal indictment of our worth.

The trap of the finished product

In her landmark book Mindset. The New Psychology of Success, Dweck explains that a fixed mindset makes us more concerned with how we are being judged than with how we are learning.

When we focus only on the accomplishment we become risk averse. We stay within our comfort zones because that is where we know we can succeed. We avoid the weedy patches of our lives where we might look foolish or uncoordinated.

I see this as a limiting belief that can be resolved. The reality is that your brain is not a finished product. It is a living organ that responds to effort and curiosity.

The courage to fail

A growth mindset is the understanding that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Dweck notes that while people may differ in every which way in their initial talents and aptitudes interests or temperaments everyone can change and grow through application and experience.

Imagine if as children we were praised not for the high grade but for the grit we showed when a math problem felt impossible. If the reward came from the courage to fail and try again we would have developed a very different personal culture.

We would see a challenge not as a threat to our identity but as the water and sunlight the seeds in our minds need to expand.

Reframing the struggle

In our coaching sessions we often look at where you are still operating from that old eighties report card. We identify the areas where you are holding yourself back because you are afraid of the struggle.

The shift to a growth mindset is about changing your internal language. It is moving from saying "I cannot do this" to saying "I cannot do this yet." This tiny word carries a huge amount of power. It acknowledges that you are in a process of development. It moves you from the fixed seat of a passenger to the active role of a gardener who knows that growth takes time and tending.

Three ways to test and tilt your mindset today

If you want to start making changes right now you can try these three simple exercises to see where your mindset currently sits.

Listen to your internal critic The next time you face a difficult task pay close attention to the first thing you say to yourself. If you hear I am not good at this you are standing in a fixed mindset. Try adding the word yet to the end of that sentence and notice how the energy in your body shifts.

Value the process over the polish Choose one thing this week that you are not naturally good at. It could be a new hobby or a complex task at work. Instead of aiming for a perfect result make your goal to stay in the struggle for twenty minutes without giving up. Reward yourself for the effort regardless of the outcome.

Seek out constructive friction In your next conversation ask someone for honest feedback on an area where you feel slightly vulnerable. Rather than defending your position or feeling attacked look at the information as raw data for your growth. Ask yourself how this perspective can help you cultivate a better version of your personal culture.

Continuing the journey

If you want to dive deeper into this research I highly recommend exploring Carol’s work directly. Her insights provide a wonderful framework for the internal work we do in coaching.

You can find more of her research and resources at mindsetworks.com.

When you are ready to look at the beliefs that are keeping your mindset fixed and start cultivating a more resilient way of being I am here to help you dig in.